It's all over but the signing.

Well, my attorney emailed me the initial paperwork on Friday about 3:15 for me to look over. With the exception of a couple of questions, we've gotten it all worked out. No, it isn't the most ideal situation, but it is going to work, for now. What we've got worked out is that he will get them on Thursdays from the time school gets out until the time school resumes on Friday morning. He'll have them every other weekend instead of 1st, 3rd, and 5th. Why he couldn't just agree to all that before we had to go and spend nearly $5000.00 on an attorney, I'll never know. When he gets them on the weekends he'll get them from the time school is out on Fridays to the time school resumes on Mondays. I ask all of you that read this pray that Beau and Samantha will get the sleep they need to function properly at school. And that on Thursdays he gets their homework done and studying for tests. I've just got to hang on to the hope that he actually puts them ahead of himself.

On a different note, he had told the kids over Christmas break that he was getting married, and yesterday one of them told me that he wasn't getting married because he and his girlfriend had broken up because they didn't see eye to eye. I find it kind of coincidental that he was going to get married before all this worked out and now suddenly when it is all working out, he isn't. I really really really hate to believe that he would use this woman to "win" with the judge. I believe that is why he married his 2nd ex-wife and then got stuck with this horror that mentally and emotionally and to some extent physically abused my kids. Unfortunately, I truly believe that he was going to marry her to be able to say to the judge that he was "stable" and deserving of getting the kids more often. Can a person really be that stupid and insensitive? I believe he can. Also, I was told by someone that he is moving his grandmother back to Texarkana, which I believe is one of the reasons he and his girlfriend didn't see eye to eye. His grandmother HATES everyone. And I don't mean really dislikes, I mean HATES. Most of you that read this know my mom and dad and how wonderful they are. Well, his grandmother has NEVER liked my mom and dad, even when we were married. So now I have that in the back of my head. That he is willing to move this woman into a house that his children will be in on a regular basis. Just pray for the kids, that's all I can say.

decisions, decisions, decisions

Well, we've made a decision about the whole visitation problem. I'm not going to say what it is until all parties are aware and the ink is dry on the paperwork. Just know that the decision was an extremely difficult one to make and all angles were considered and cused and discussed!! I will tell you that a weight has been lifted off my shoulders in knowing that we've made the decision. How it all goes and works out, only time will tell.

Crap crap crap crap

So, I was going to ease into this and hope that some things in my life would settle down before i talked about things too much because my emotions were WAY too out there. But Wednesday I was given some news that shouldn't have floored me, but did. Many if not all of you, know that my ex-husband moved back to Texarkana in May of last year and has demanded more time with the kids. We've been back and forth since then with me offering him more time and him turning me down. He's the type of man that unless it's HIS idea, you can forget him agreeing with you. I lived with it for nearly 9 years, I know. So in September, I was served with changed of visitation papers. I had told him months ago that if he came back here and started demanding time, it would take going to court and that I would be filing for Sole custody. So, when I was served, I went and spoke with an attorney and filed for Sole custody. One of the first things my attorney told me was to NOT give him any more time that what was already spelled out in the custody arrangement we have in place now. Well, when he filed, he almost immediately started hounding me about giving him more time, like we had already settled this and I wasn't giving him what he deserved. Well, I guess you could say I'm not giving him what he deserves, because he is still alive and not buried somewhere with wroms and stuff crawling on him, but that's beside the point. So he gets all pissy because I'm doing what my attorney told me to do and in turn files for Sole Custody. Now why in the sam hill would he even think that a judge is going to take my kids away from me? I'm glad you asked, because I'll tell you why. When we first were divorced, he had told me that he wouldn't fight me for custody because he "can't fight Lonnie and Vernon's money". Well, 45 days after the ink was dry on our divorce, he remarries. Then just a couple of weeks after that, he files for custody of the kids. We go to court and the judge appoints a "court appointed counselor" for us to see as individuals and with the kids. Well, anyone that knows my ex-husband, and for those of you that don't, he is VERY good at putting on a front and making people believe that he is this good guy. And it works well, as long at you aren't around him more than a few times, and only for short period of times at that. So he and his new wifey convince this "counselor" that they would be the better way for my kids to go. We went to court and the judge wouldn't listen to anything other than her report. So, he got custody of my babies and took them 1400 miles away to Arizona. For 14 months, I lived in hell. There is no other way to put it. But the hell I lived in was nothing compared to what my precious babies were going thru. So anyway, I chased that rabbit long enough, back to now. So I call my attorney and get him to make an offer to my ex's attorney for every other weekend, and Thursday nights, and everydamnthing else he wanted. The reason I offered everyother weekend instead of 1st, 3rd, and 5th is because I have 2 step children that we get on an everyother weekend rotation. If we end up going to with a 1st, 3rd, 5th weekend, one of two things is going to happen. either our kids will only get to see each other 1/2 of the year, or I've got to call my husband's ex-wife and ask her if she would be willing to get on the same schedule we are on. Now, most of you will probably think that doesn't sound like too big of a deal. Well, she is JUST like my ex-husband. I swear!!! The should be brother and sister they sound and act so much alike. So you can see why I really don't want to make that phone call.

So, having said all of that, we are now faced with only 2 options because of my ex. We either give him everyfreakingthing he wants, or we go to court. Now, my attorney charges $300 an HOUR. If we go to court, it will be with me pushing for Sole custody and that is at the very least a 2 day hearing deal, not counting all the time it is going to take him and his associates to get stuff together to GO to court. So now I have the problem of do I give him what he wants, or do I fight? I don't have the money to fight it. I don't want to have to GIVE him anything again. I don't have the money to fight it. I don't want my kids to be exposed to him anymore than they have to be. I don't have the money to fight it. By agreeing, it puts him even more into my life. I don't have the money to fight it. I THIINK I would have enough on him and his craziness to at least limit his visitation. I don't have enough money to fight it. See a pattern anywhere? I've about made up my mind just to go with it and let him have what he wants, but I want to make sure I'm not making that decision based soley on the fact that I don't have the money to fight him. I need to know that the kids will be ok, but I know that that is something only God can know. What do I do????????????????????????????????????

A little bit about me

This is my first attempt at a running blog and the reason I am doing this here is becuase my ex-husband has a myspace page and I refuse to block my myspace page. There have been some things that have been going on in my life that lately have been piling up on me and I just really need to vent. In the following rant, and probably future rants, I'll be writing some of the history of my life from October 1994 to present.

We start on October 31, 1994. That is the day William Erik Luplow walked into the place I was working at the time. I was working with a guy that he had gone to school with and he had come to visit on his first few days back from the military. I should have clued into his character when he told me that he was getting out of the military full time BEFORE his 4 years was up, but I was young and dumb and didn't pay attention to the signs.

Fast forward to December 30, 1994, and the day that he asked me to marry him. I was so excited about actually being able to tell people that I was engaged and getting married. Again, I was young and dumb and didn't know any better. Don't get me wrong, I love being married, just to the right man. And I also know that if I hadn't married him, the possiblity of me having my two beautiful babies would be slim. But, I digress.

Now we are to August 12, 1995 and the day we get married. I wasn't nervous, and had several people comment on that fact. I don't know if some where in my heart of hearts I knew this was just practice or what, but I just wasn't nervous. Don't get me wrong, if you had asked me that day if I planned on this lasting forever and was never going to get divorce, I would have said yes. We were married and lived next to my mom and dad for a while in a camper. We moved to Simms and lived there until November 1998.

In November 1998 he rejoined the Air Force and was stationed at Barksdale Air Force Base in Bossier City, La. I had the first of two beautiful babies on December 8, 1998. William Erik "Beau" Luplow Jr. was born at 8:13 p.m. and weighed 8lbs 12oz and was 21 inches long. I was scared to death!!! I loved being pregnant, but was scared of actually HAVING a baby and having to take care of one. But, with God's hand firmly on me, I made it through. In November of 1999, we moved onto base housing. In January of 2000, we split up, seriously, for the first time. We were seperate for a while and the only reason we got back together is because I could have made him sell his horses, and he didn't want that. Yes, I said that and truly believe to this day that is the only reason he took me back that time.

On April 5, 2001, Samantha Michelle Luplow was born. She was born at 8:15 p.m. and weighed 8lbs 13oz and was 21 1/2 inches long. This time wasn't as scary, but scary still. We all know what happened on September 11, 2001, but as a military wife, it affected my life, and lives of my children in a much different way than most Americans. In January 2002, Billy was sent to Diego Garcia for 4 months. He missed Samantha's first birthday party. Couldn't be helped truly, but still. While he was gone, I had to make the horrible decision to have his beloved horse Dolly down. Now I know that sounds trivial, but he, or someone in his family, had this horse since she was 6 months old. She traveled nearly everywhere with him. It was like she was his first child and I had to make the decision to put her down. When he came back, things seemed to be ok, with the exception of the usual readjustment peroid and him missing Dolly.

In Feburary of 2003, he was sent to Diego Garcia again. This time he was only gone for 3 months, but this time was much much worse. He missed Samantha's 2nd birthday. Something happened to him while he was gone this time. The day he stepped off the plane at Barksdale Air Force Base, I knew he had changed. We tried, or I did. Nothing I could do seemed to be right. He thought I had an affair with a good friend of ours. I thought he had had one while he was overseas. We we at each other all the time, with him mostly causing me to question him and what I was doing. We tried for over a year. Things finally all came to a head on May 16, 2004. He asked me to move out. He promised me that he just needed "time" and that we weren't over. He even drove up to my mom and dad's and told them that he hadn't asked me to move out. I moved in with some friends of ours and stayed with them for 6 weeks. I was served at work with divorce papers somewhere around the 1st of July.

Feburary 24th 2005, a day that I will never forget for a couple of reasons. First, my nephew Layton was born on that day. Second, my divorce, something that I swore would never happen, was finalized. To this day, I have blank spots in my memory because the only way I got thru the day was to get out of bed and put one foot in front of the other.